Disclaimer: The contexts and experiences shared in this blog are primarily for teens and tweens.
When did you see your child happy last?
When did he feel a sense of achievement?
What is an achievement to her?
How did you celebrate?
When did you see your child sad?
When did you see your child dissatisfied?
How did you get to know the reason?
How did you handle it?
These days we are pretty conscious about the emotions of children. Isn’t it? We keep track as to when was she happy, what made her happy, what upsets her, what days the moods are not favourable. As parents, we have become extremely sensitive and conscious of the emotions of kids. Not just emotions we are sensitive about their physical needs too. I had briefly touched base in one of my earlier blogs, sharing it here. (Part 2 – Be a Happy Parent)
What are we doing to the Emotional Quotients and the Adversity Quotients of the children? It might be too late before we realize that these are important aspects of life.
This boy I know of, has completed his engineering and completed it a long time back and is just not able to decide what to do next. A little brush by a classmate made him quit at college and a little negative stroke by his girlfriend, and he flunked. When I look at this guy, he looks smart, tall, though not a fit body, however presentable mannerisms and decent communication.
He used to live with his friends and one fine day the college reported to the mother that he has flunked in his last two semesters. Parents called him desperately to understand what is it that he needs and they could get through after many attempts and that too for just a few moments. The boy was studying outside. The parents keep calling up, for hours together but to no avail. On contacting a friend, they are told that he isn’t coming out of his room for the last few days. Parents reach him desperately and break open his door to see him sitting in a corner and refusing to get up. If forced he would roll under the bed and refuse to come out.
Another Uncle reaches along with the Parents. The gang shot a couple of questions and he started speaking out, only on the condition that the parents should not hear.
Here’s what he says:
1. I was never asked my choice. I always did what my parents wanted.
2. When spoken about my choice, I was always asked to do what is told.
3. I wanted to quit Engineering after the first year but was forced to continue.
4. I have a girlfriend, but she doesn’t want to marry me.
5. I am in my final year, but I don’t want to study.
This guy behaved extremely rude with his parents and uncle and was just fine among friends. Nobody in the family knew what had gone wrong. When taken to a psychologist, he was diagnosed as normal and required no medication or counselling.
Though this and many similar stories give shivers to parents, it is of high significance that we understand what must have gone wrong. All of us may have different interpretations based on our parenting styles.
Some Key points I draw from here are:
1. Too much protection in initial years
2. No involvement in decision making
3. Emotions cocooned in such a way, that EQ is suppressed
4. Dealing with Problems missing
5. Connect with either parent missing
6. Self Esteem too low
Dear Friends, I believe that we should always work with the end in mind. Remember, how beautifully Stephen Covey has explained in his book ‘Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. His Habit 2 is Begin with the end in mind. Here I am using the word ‘end’ because parenting skills have no place once the child crosses teens or is an adult.
So, when life begins for the child, Parenting melody comes to an end. A little advice here and there may find its place. So during our Conscious Parenting time, we must be aware of why we are doing all this and remember we are doing it for the child and his beautiful life.
And many such beautiful lives make the world a beautiful place!
Cheers for building lives
Guest Author: Sadaf Chaudhary
Sadaf Chaudhary is a Happiness Coach. She has about 20+ years of experience in dealing with the Happiness of children and women. She is an entrepreneur and a trainer too, not to forget, a passionate parent at heart.
All the parenting blogs are co-powered by www.mytutorjunction.com.