Slamming doors, loud words, abusive language, unanswered phone calls, shout out from the room, continuous argument, big and clear “No” and many such unacceptable actions are becoming part of many parents’ lives.
Keep your hand on your heart and tell me if you can say “No” to this statement, that I made.
Also, tell me the same for the following.
Arguments over the behaviour of the children, questioning upbringing, blame games, futile misunderstandings and relationships issues have increased among parents, grandparents and other family members at home. Please correct me if I am wrong.
Mind you, I am not talking about exceptions that have become the norms. If you have accepted it happily, assuming that the world has changed over the decades, you are in denial mode. If you are contemplating, that what is going wrong, you are too analytical and if you are not coming to terms with it, objecting to it, and defending it then God Bless you!
I remember, a couple of years back, a senior High School English Teacher was talking to me. She told me “Sadaf… I tell my children, to, do whatever beg, borrow, steal.. pierce your eyebrows, nose, naval or wherever else…. But JUST GET MARKS and EXCEL ACADEMICALLY.” To date, I am in shock, thinking that this must also be the message going out from this target-driven bandwagon.
Pardon me, I am not generalizing, but talking about this group of teachers, and why just teachers, many parents must be subscribing to this too. To me, it means, that we are authorizing the children to do anything that they feel like doing as long as they get good marks. WTH! Not me, please!
Everything in life has its place. And parents have their place too. As parents we are not living for the kids, are we?
See, so many nods have come from your heart, the biggest drawback of parenting is that we indulge so much, we lose track of our life, our focus areas, and many of our key relationships too. We have to stop doing this. I reiterate everything in life has its place, so our children have their place and we have our place. Obsession in any way is harmful.
One thought keeps crossing my mind. During our upbringing that is, say in the 70s, 80s, or even 90s, Parents were the most important people in the house. Everything was planned according to their needs, choices and priorities.
If it was going on holiday, it was just an announcement of dates and places. And what do we as parents do?
If it was an event, as kids we had no role to play in the guest list and menu, except maybe taking the dictation to write it neatly.
If a guest was expected, the child will know only on the arrival, there were no Pre talks or Pep talks. Sometimes I wonder where are we heading?
So, my dear friends, I don’t intend to be rude or forceful, but I want to pass this one torch from me to you so that you too could pass it on.
Today lets just register in our minds that we are important people in our own homes, as parents. We don’t need to undermine the importance of kids or force them into things. However, we need to stand straight and balance our heads on our shoulders. And all this only after accepting that we might land in a soup!
Let’s grow together!
In case you missed Part- 1, read here.
Guest Author: Sadaf Chaudhary
Sadaf Chaudhary is a Happiness Coach. She has about 20+ years of experience in dealing with the Happiness of children and women. She is an entrepreneur and a trainer too, not to forget, a passionate parent at heart❤️