This is my third blog on this topic. My endeavour: to share my experiences and opinions about parenting. Whenever I read blogs on parenting I gain one or two practical insights that help me. So I am sure that you will find something resonating with your approach and I will also gain through the comments/opinions that you share.
Picking up the thread from yesterday’s blog, parents need to stand straight and balance their heads on their shoulders without undermining the importance of kids.
How to do that is a Million Dollar Question. Well, going by the book, there could be many approaches to Parenting.
To name a few:
- Balanced Parenting
- Uninvolved Parenting
- Permissive Parenting
- Strict Parenting
- Over-bearing Parenting
- Authoritarian Parenting
- Lawn Mower Parenting / Bulldozer Parenting and so on.
There are also various kinds of moms that women grow into:
- Dolphin Mom
- Toxic Mom
- Elephant Mom
- Helicopter Mom
- Tiger Mom
- Silky Mom
- Crunchy Mom, and so on…
If I have to be true and talk from the core of my heart, I don’t believe in any of the above approaches, combinations might work with some kids and with some none of the above will work. I think that the usual, logical, emotional and practical approaches that we follow in other aspects of life, should be followed in Parenting too. This is no separate science that it needs separate dealing, barring infants and toddlers.
You might have heard or read about the concept of ABT and DBT. These were first talked about by Dr Kathryn D. Cramer. In her Best Seller “Change the Way You See Everything”, first in 2006.
ABT (Asset-Based Thinking)
ABT is a way of viewing Reality by embracing the positive side of life and freeing yourself of the Deficit – Based negative side, DBT (Deficit Based Thinking). According to this approach, ABT is about your present strengths and potentials and one needs to see what’s working.
So, relating it to our topic of Parenting, we just need to see what already exists in terms of strengths, relationships, understandings and certainly the potential.
We check out the following as per ABT:
- What do you want?
- What you have?
- What is possible?
- What you can do?
- What is working?
- Who is with you?
- What is propelling you forward?
- What do you stand to gain?
- Your achievements?
Now, let’s take some examples. What I want is a Happy and Succesful Kid. What I have is a sensible kid who understands and tries to follow instructions that she appreciates. The possibility here is that I can guides her well with my kind of relationship with her. I can be her friend, philosopher and guide. What is working in our everyday morning jog and a nice chit chat after that? Who is with me, my husband is with me who understands what I am trying to do to achieve long term objectives. My kid’s interest and honesty are propelling me forward. I stand to gain my kid’s happiness and success. My achievement here might be just being able to contribute something to her life.
This is an example of Asset-Based Thinking, wherein my mind has worked only positively to ascertain some strategies. With different kids, this will be different in the same household. The parent I believe has to be firm and more so positive enough to implement this.
Try and Write Out your set of answers today, till I catch you with my next blog.
Guest Author: Sadaf Chaudhary
Sadaf Chaudhary is a Happiness Coach. She has about 20+ years of experience in dealing with the Happiness of children and women. She is an entrepreneur and a trainer too, not to forget, a passionate parent at heart.
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